No One Truly Knowns Me Not Even Me
by RushmanNatalie
Summary: Natasha finds herself at a cross roads in life. Begins right before the events of the Avengers and will follow as canon as possible through the MCU up until Winter Soldier and beyond. This is all about Natasha finding herself. It is OTP Romanogers, so beware Clintasha fans. There will be no Clint bashing though because I love him. So now please join Natasha on the ride of her life.
1. Prologue: Who am I Really

(a/n)

Hey guys so this is my first MCU fiction I am dabbling in making it in POV of Natasha and possibly switching to other other character's POV at times. This is all about Natasha finding her way. It picks up right before the beginning events of the Avengers. This is just the prologue, I am testing the waters to see if people will like this idea. Be aware there are a few curse words and it does not being with any mention of Steve but this is my OTP Romanogers, you will see that in chapters to come.

-Prologue-

Being the only known agent of the Red Room has it's perks. For one you are feared, you survived the most hellish conditions and came out more powerful than you were at the start. With that you have skills that most people cannot even fathom.

For the longest time I thought the life of a Red Room agent was what I wanted and needed. A life where I killed and deceived for a living.

It turns out that shit isn't all it's cracked up to be. Apparently I am not the person they attempted to mold me to be.

The KGB had me for a while but we weren't the greatest of fits and plus they aren't that prominent anymore, probably wouldn't have many jobs to do.

I was trained to embrace being alone and secluded from others, to resent any type of help. It was beat into me that I was a one person army and was to trust no one. The Red Room broke me in more ways than one. They took me as a young girl and formed me into a queen of seduction, an assassin, a skilled fighter, master of deception, and lastly a supremely closed off individual who is now emotionally stunted from years of repetitive abuse that I would rather not touch on.

Not only did they mentally mold me they changed my physique as well. They genetically modified and enhanced me with their own form of the Super Solider serum. Once I was fully broken that is, they couldn't risk that powerful of a woman not bending to their will. I was the only known survivor and there are days when I wished that the serum had failed to take hold on to my genes and just killed me instead. Those days have become more common lately. I have lived 70 some odd years in a young woman's body and have done the same repetitive acts for as long as I can remember.

My current life is breaking my spirit more than the Red Room ever could. I want so badly to live a real life. I know I can't though which is what kills me the most. A woman like me could never obtain such a life. How could I settle down? I don't fucking age and if I do it's in very small amounts. If I look back to the 60s I look exactly the same, just slight changes with my appearance to prevent people from having recognition of who I am.

This is getting old and I do not know how much longer it can go on. My life consists of S.H.I.E.L.D. Missions, training, and down time here and there. I have one friend and even he cannot come to fully understand me. I use my boss as a makeshift and skewed version of a surrogate father and I guess you can say that his second in command is kind of like a sister to me, if you can call it that. I guess I have a family if I look hard enough at Maria, Nick, and Clint.

I am Natalia Alianovna Romanova. That much I know for sure. From there I am irresolute. But this I know, it has come high time I find myself for real or I am not sure I will last in life. I will find a way to make myself happy and I unapologize for it ahead of time.

(a/n):

Okay guys so please please R & R I want to know what people think. I an trying to stay TC here with Nat. Let me preface this by saying that I feel that we do not know the true Romanoff so who are we to say what she is and is not feeling. I am writing this in a way that makes her seem human as opposed to how the Red Room would have likened her to be a robot.


	2. Chapter 1: Avengers Initiative

**(a/n) Hey guys so here is an update. So a few things. One I typed this out quickly since it is finals week and I really wanted to update, please R&R with constructive criticism, please do not trash me. Second thing is this will not be completely on the same wave length of Avengers I am taking it in a way that will work with the story I am telling and going with it. This will mostly be in Romanoff's POV as I think it is interesting to write what she may be thinking. Anything thing not in quotes is more than likely what is going on in Nat's head, what she is thinking or narrating. I will try to update more frequently as time goes on now that my semester is coming to a close I will have the time. Let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions or ideas. **

***Disclaimer I own absolutely nothing except for my plot line! I also used quotes from the movie the Avengers (I do not own those words)**

I feel so terribly weak actually wanting a normal life. All I have ever known and done was espionage. I am unsure if I would ever be able to leave that life completely behind. As confused as I am in this point in my life, I am sure of one thing. Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D. have been a great blessing to me. I am able to do my work and actually have a legal institution to report back to.

I owe Nick and Clint everything. Clint for pulling me out and bringing me into S.H.I.E.L.D. and Nick for keeping me and giving me the chance I needed. I would do anything for them and I am sure they know it.

That's why I decided instead of letting my fear of these new emotions cloud me, I pushed myself deeper into my work. I took mission after mission to keep myself on task, let me tell you it worked wonders. Then I was on my last mission and of course I am interrupted for reasons at the time I thought were infuriating until Coulson told me Barton was compromised. I knew then and there I would be dropping everything until Clint was secured.

Of course that's not all they wanted, S.H.I.E.L.D. never wants just one thing. They want me to retrieve the fucking Hulk, for fucking real that's exactly what I want to be doing. Thanks S.H.I.E.L.D. let me risk my life getting the Big Guy instead of heading out to find my best friend. But Fury asked for it to be done by me so I as per usual happily obliged.

Hulk retrieval could have gone much worse. I mean I could have been squashed like a pancake, wouldn't that have be pleasant. I have him and now I can finally start my mission to find Clint.

Then I get re-fucking-cruted to the Avengers Initiative. Fun. It's an interesting team of heroes, I mean we have a smart mouthed Campbell's Soup can that shoots lasers, Captain Morals...he is seriously cute but he is hard to warm up to, an angry beast, a master Marksman who is out of the game due to mind control, and lastly me the deceiving cold hearted assassin bitch (How most people view me anyway). I'm guessing Nick added me to the roster because he knew when it came down to it, I would comply with the mission and complete it no questions asked. Oh he knows me too well.

I arrived on base for orders pretty quickly with Banner. I knew I would be meeting my new team today. I already know that pain in the ass Stark and obviously Clint but I have yet to actually meet the famous and sought after Captain America. I decided to make an good first impression...well I decide to scare them or at least I think I will.

I dress in all black with a red tank. Wearing the colors of the black widow, should frighten a person who knows my reputation. The only problem is the good Captain took not one notice of it and did not fear me whatsoever. Uhhg he is so frustrating. I decide to introduce myself to him. Wow though he is even more handsome in person. I would love to cut myself a piece of him...GET YOURSELF TOGETHER NATASHA...Tony calls him Captain Purity already and you know what purity he is speaking of, don't even think about it. But someone does have to ruin him. It has to happen at some point doesn't it? That would be a fun time. Snap out of it Natasha and go talk to him.

"Hey Cap" I say "I'm Black Widow or Natasha Romanoff"

"It is a pleasure to meet you Natasha, call me Steve" he replies back with a smile.

I continue to initiate conversation "So do you know why we were all called in? It must be pretty important that all the Avengers are being involved"

"I am not sure, I guess we'll find out once we speak with Fury" Steve replies

I decided not to dally with trivial conversation with the good Captain no matter how sweet he is to look at, time to go see what Fury has in store for this "team".

(After briefing)

Fucking fantastic! Thor's evil brother decided his newest conquest is Earth. He has Clint under some damn mind control, that no one is able to snap. Now we have to fight against not only Loki but an evil Clint.

We have to head out right away to Germany where Loki has been spotted to try and apprehend him and the Tesseract and hopefully free Clint of the mind control.

This mission is going to be painful I cannot stand Stark and the Captain is just so annoying to look at anymore because he makes me swoon and I hate that. Thank God I am good at hiding all emotions even the good ones. I need to put my Widow's face on and get this mission over and done with and away from both these morons before I go insane.

After a good battle we were able to defeat Loki and take him into custody.

The next thing you know some big bruttlike blonde guy develops out of thin air. He tried to free Loki and he and the boys had a nice battle until they decided they were better off working together. Seriously though really men, you wasted all of that time fighting over something you ended up agreeing on.

Thor accompanies us back to the Helicarrier with Loki. Where Loki will then be put in a prison that hopefully he will be unable to break out of.

Now that we are back on the Helicarrier we must debrief and gain information off of Thor to help us understand what Loki is after.

(Back on the Helicarrier)

I do not think this day could get any more annoying. Oh wait never mind Tony Stark is here, my day can worsen. This is just wonderful.

"Hey Natalie, looking sexy as ever" Tony throws at me.

"Go to hell Stark, I don't have time for your bullshit today" I spit back.

"Oh come on Natalie I am just messing with you, how have you been?" Tony asks.

"Really Stark? First off my name is _Natasha, _not that you actually care. Second I am clearly not happy my friend and partner is under control of Thunder from Down under's brother" I reply angrily.

Tony begins to laugh as Thor asks me what I referred to him as.

"Lady Natasha was tis this name you referred to me as I believe you said I am the Thunder from Down under, what is the meaning of this name?" asks Thor.

"Nothing Thor just go back to whatever it was you were doing" I reply back.

I didn't know how to explain what I called him, so I hoped he would just let it go. Which of course he did since he has the attention span of a knat.

"Okay Thor, on to the task at hand. What is this Tesseract and what exactly does Loki want to do with it?" I ask.

"Lady Natasha, the Tesseract is one of the infinity stones, it hold a great deal of power. Loki wishes to harness that power for his own gains. But he has also aligned himself with a powerful alien race called the Chitauri. It was held in my father's vault protected until it was lost many years ago"

Steve interject with "I have seen this Tesseract before, back when I was fighting against HYDRA. The Red Skull what trying to harness its powers to make weapons to eradicate life form"

"Yes Lord Steven, it is presumed that my brother needs the Tesseract for some reason, but the exact reason is still unknown" Thor replies.

I find this all very interesting but I am still confused as to why Loki feels the need to attack Earth.

"So fill me in on why Loki is targeting Earth" I state.

Fury arrives as I am speaking.

"Very good inquiry Agent Romanoff, it is presumed that Loki is sour about the events in New Mexico. He stated when attacking the SHIELD base to retrieve the Tesseract that he wanted to enslave the human race with it"

"So basically this is a revenge plan, this is infuriating" I reply.

"That may be the case Agent, but you and the rest of the team have a duty to mankind to protect them from this threat. Now all of you report to your quarters for some shut eye, before the real fun begins" Fury commands.

I decided to disobey Fury's orders and speak with Loki myself. I am pissed that he is using my friend for his own personal gains and I want to know why!

I decide to approach him for questioning since he cannot do any harm locked in the Hulk containment cell.

"Hello Loki"

He just stares… "May I ask, what is your plan here? What do you plan to accomplish now locked up in this cage meant for an unstoppable beast?" I ask him.

"You're here for the man aren't you?" he rebuttals with.

"Me? No I am simply here to figure out your agenda" I reply back knowing that is not entirely true. Clint is many things to me and I plan to save him no matter what, I know he would do the same for me.

He just won't give up, he again attributes me being there to Clint.

"Your world in the balance, and you bargain for one man?"

I may as well give in and see if he gives me anything since what he is accusing me of is infact true.

"Regimes fall every day. I tend not to weep over that, I'm Russian... or was." I reply

"And what are you now?"

"It's really not that complicated. I've got red in my ledger, I'd like to wipe it out."

"Can you? Can you wipe out that much red? Drakov's daughter, Sao Paulo, the hospital fire?... Barton told me everything. Your ledger is dripping, it's GUSHING red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child at prayer... PATHETIC! You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code, something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away!... I won't touch Barton. Not until I make him kill you! Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear! And then he'll wake just long enough to see his good work, and when he screams, I'll split his skull! This is MY bargain, you mewling quim!"

He is scaring me and that is hard to do.

"You're a monster!" I tell him.

"Oh no, you brought the monster."

Well well Loki, I guess I am better than you thought.

"So, Banner... that's your play."

"What?" He replies.

"Loki means to unleash the Hulk. Keep Banner in the lab, I'm on my way. Send Thor as well." I radio in to the guards.

I then turn to Loki and state "Thank you for your cooperation."

I am rather pleased with myself for manipulating the answers out of him. Of course he wants to turn the Hulk against us. The most unpredictable member of the Avengers Initiative. Hopefully now that we know, it will be prevented. But I must admit to myself I do not want to be on the losing end of a fight with Bruce Banner in his angry state. Maybe we should just kill him now? Stop it Nat, he is a teammate how would you feel if one of them suggested killing Clint since he is under Loki's control.

Instead of heading to my bunk I better gather the other Avengers and let them know what Loki's plan is.

**(a/n) okay guess there is was the second publish and first real chapter of this story, this was to get as much of the Avengers in as possible and we will get back to the Natasha angst about her life in a chapter or two. Hang in there I have some great Ideas planned and cannot wait to share them with you all! Please R&R they make me happy!**


	3. Chapter 2 And So The Battle Begins

**I want to thank my ever so helpful friend Thegumgum! I would have never finished this chapter if you hadn't been here to help me! You are for sure the best and I appreciate your help more than you know! I also want to thank you for helping me decided that I could write a fic! **

**(a/n) Okay my readers, this will be the complete events of the Avengers with my own spin on it. I am using this to set up what is going to happen in the upcoming chapters. I felt that I couldn't just jump in without using Natasha's start in the Avengers Initiative during the attack from Loki. I feel that is where she starts to really respect Steve is at the actual Battle of New York with the Chitauri. Just remember I am not religiously following the movie and I am adding my ideas in here and there. I am trying to stay TC with Natasha when she is interacting with the other members but I am doing my own interpretation of what is going on in her head. Because remember she was trained to act one way and set aside her feelings. I am trying to show her feelings as well as how as the Widow she pushes them down to focus on the mission at hand. **

"J.A.R.V.I.S. please summon the rest of the Avengers to the conference room" I request.

"_Right away Agent Romanoff"_ J.A.R.V.I.S. answers back.

How am I going to approach this? Loki just revealed that his plan is to use one of our teammates against us. Will Banner be our undoing and the end of the world as we know it. I am assuming that is what Loki wants. If he is able to harness the Hulk than no one is safe, the Hulk is more powerful than we even know. I cannot let that falter my bravery now. As unfortunate for me as it may be I and the rest of the Avengers are what will stand between Loki and our planet.

Everyone begins entering one by one and once everyone is seated, as usual Tony is fashionably late.

Now that he is here, I begin.

He asks "Where is Banner?"

"As of this point forward, we are containing Banner, it turns out he is what Loki is after. Loki plans to turn Banner into the Hulk and use him against the team to defeat us." I explain.

"Lady Natasha how did you become aware of this matter, may I ask" Thor inquiries.

"I went to question him after Fury dismissed us this evening and I was able to trick him into letting part of his plan slip" I tell them.

"I am afraid my brother never makes a mistake, he wanted you to know this for a reason" Thor tells us.

"Well no matter the case we need to contain Banner, so your brother cannot succeed" Inputs Steve who had been quietly observing up until now.

"_Avengers we have a security breach, it seems as though Agent Barton and the rest of Loki's victims are attacking us, we are initiating lockdown protocol, prepare to defend the Helicarrier" _J.A.R.V.I.S. announces.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! If Barton is here that means what Loki said about him killing me may happen. If that is the case I have to be prepared to kill him if we meet. Which I would rather not do but will if it is my last resort.

"Tony go suit up, Thor make sure your brother is secure, Natasha secure Banner, and I will head out and start defending from the onslaught that is about to be upon us. Now move!" Steve commands.

Wow he is really a leader. I better head out and grab my gear and make sure Hulk is still secure. How do I always end up on Hulk duty! This is fucking bullshit! Hey Natasha you go make sure that Banner hasn't turned into the angry green guy. Try and not get beaten to death if he is. Why can't Steve do it he is "stronger" than me or at least he thinks he is. I still have my super soldier serum hidden from the team no one but Fury knows who I really am, not even Barton.

I find Bruce where he was told to stay the labs. I think we are in the clear of the Big Guy coming out when a loud explosion sounds and we are flying through the air. Oh Shit!

"Bruce you need to stay calm!" I scream, as we are falling I see the panic on Bruce's face. If I can't calm him the Hulk will be here any second.

We finally land but I am fucking stuck under debris and Bruce is turning.

I see SHIELD agents approaching. I don't need them killed.

"Get out of here now!" I scream at them. That is all I need right now, Banner to kill SHIELD guards.

They turn and run fast from the area.

I find a way to wiggle out from under the debri and start to run.

I have to get away now before I become the focus of the Hulk's rage.

I turn around and he is looking right at me.

"Mother Fucker" and I take off

I'm not going to be able to get away. The next thing I know I am flying into a wall. Oh God I am going to die aren't I.

"MONSTER, prepare to be defeated" I hear someone yell.

I am able to look, it is Thor. Thank you I am safe from that beast.

Just when I think I am clear, Fury radios in "Someone needs to neutralize Agent Barton now, he is causing too much damage!"

"Fury, its Romanoff I have got Barton." I reply.

I know this if going to be an extremely difficult fight but it is something I have to do. As scared as I am I put on my Widow's face and start looking for Barton.

It didn't take long to find him and he attacks first.

I know that if I do not give this fight my all he will best me, he will find an opening and deal me a blow of defeat and I cannot let that happen.

As we fight he leaves me the opportunity to knock him out cold. I get a hold of him and smash his head against the steel railing and he is out for the count.

Yes I completed the mission without killing myself or Barton.

It's over finally.

"Fury I have Barton he is out cold, how would you like me to proceed?"

"Romanoff move him to the medical bay we need to have him checked over and restrained until we are sure he is not under the control of Loki anymore"

"Orders understood, heading to the Med Bay now, Romanoff out" I answer.

I really hope that Loki's control has been broken. I cannot deal with Clint in his former state. At least we are safe for now no impending threats, now that we have neutralized all of the mind controlled agents.

Or so I thought.

"Romanoff we have a problem!" Fury radios in

"Yes?"

"Loki's escaped and locked Thor in his cell"

"How the fuck did he let that happen? I am on my way Nick, what are my orders"

"Try and locate Rogers I have no idea where he is, I am headed after Loki"

"Roger that Fury"

I find Rogers just finishing helping Stark repair the broken Helicarrier motor.

We are making our way to where Loki is supposed to be when Fury has us paged to the meeting room.

We all enter and Fury is standing there holding Coulson's Captain America trading cards. I always thought it was odd that he was so obsessed with Rogers but I have to admit Steve is an admirable man to look up to.

"You people are not a team! You need to get yourselves together right fucking now and work as the team I hoped you would work as when I had you recruited!"

"Director what happen?" I ask curiously

"Avengers, Agent Coulson is dead because he was doing the job you all should have been performing as a team, but sadly you were all lacking team work"

We all stare dumbfounded at him as he continues

"He had these on him while he died trying to take down Loki" He hold up the trading cards covered in blood.

For some reason I find that hard to believe since Phil cherished those cards more than any other worldly object. But I say nothing as I do not what to fuel Fury's burning fire.

"This man died to protect the earth and I expect you all to put everything into defeating Loki, do you understand me? So get it the fuck together and learn to work as a team"

"Yes Sir we will" Steve replies.

"Good then I will leave you to formulate a plan, I have other issues to attend to" Fury states as he exits the office.

"Okay team, Stark and I believe that Loki wants to take on us directly and show the earth how weak we are as we try to defend them. We cannot let that happen. We know next to nothing about the Chitauri but I have faith that we can defeat them, if we can overcome our dislike of each other and work as a well oiled machine" Steve says

I know he is right and as much as I hate Stark I know that I can work with him if the world is at stake.

"I can do that Captain" I state and look at Stark.

Stark follows with "I as well"

I know it is going to be tough but I think that we can do this.

I head back to the Med Bay to check on Hawkeye who has been deemed mentally stable. Which is good because we will need his help to take down the Chitauri.

"Clint get dressed we have a battle to win!" I walk in and state.

"Nice to see you too Natasha, I see its business as usual"

"Damn straight it is, New York is about to come under attack and the Avengers are the last line of defense it is time to go. So feel free to meet us by the quinjet if your are coming. You have fifteen minutes" I state and walk out.

I make it to the quinjet first and wait for the rest of my team.

"Agent Romanoff, I see you are already prepared for battle" Rogers states as he walks towards the quinjet.

"Rogers there is never a time where I am unprepared for battle, fighting is what I was born to do" I reply

"Now I find that hard to believe, you aren't born to do anything. A person is made after they are born in to the image of what they are to be in the future ma'am" Steve says back.

Before I can continue and jest him, Stark and Clint walk up.

"Okay team are we ready to head out?" Steve asks

"Good to go" I say "All clear" replies Tony "Absolutely" Clint states "Yes, Lord Steven" Thor gives.

"Shall we go save the world then?" Steve says.

And with that we are heading down to fight.

**(Down on the ground in New York)**

The Chitauri are tougher opponents than I originally thought. They are absolutely formidable adversaries for all of us.

It feels as though every time I kill one, five more appear for me to take down. I am running out of munitions and weapons fast.

I cannot believe how many hostiles are attacking, I look to my right and see Rogers taking down enemy after enemy. Tony is in flight taking doing the Chitauri on the sky cycles and Thor is doing the same.

I put my attention back to the task at hand and see that I have another ten hostiles headed my way. I do a weapons check...one, two, three knives, and sixs shots left in my pistol...shit I'm gonna have to make these count.

First and second charging at me are down in a one, two throwing motion. Down two knives and eight enemies headed straight at me. Not close enough for my last knife, I take six down, each with a head shot. Two targets and one knife this shouldn't be too tough. I take the first one down with a slice of it's throat and slide towards the next one and stab it in the leg, I retract my knife and end the alien with a blade to the heart.

That was close but nothing I couldn't handle. I look over to Rogers who is still being bombarded and head over to aide him.

"Rogers you need help there?" I ask

"You know I can handle myself just fine Romanoff" he replies out a breath

"Well too bad I'm here to help but I am out of weapons"

"Sorry Nat all I have is my shield, your going to have to improvise" he tells me.

I turn and see an alien weapon laying a few feet away I grab it quickly and pray that I can figure out how to use it.

It's a staff that seems to also fire some form of alien ammunition. It was rather easy to operate and now I am taking down twice as many hostiles.

In the midst of the fighting Tony radios

"Guys! I'm bringing the party to you" Tony states.

I look and see him flying towards us with a gigantic Chitauri Leviathan right is tow.

"I don't see how that's a party" I state rather skeptically as they are coming closer.

Thankfully Bruce hulked out just in time. But what we didn't see coming was the huge explosion that would follow Bruce taking down the Leviathan. I must say I am rather glad the Good Captain was next to me. He turned and covered me from the blast and the debri. I should be angry about that because I am supposed to be the Black Widow the woman who protects herself. But I guess in the heat of the battle I lost my facade for toughness and was ever so grateful that I was protected by him. It was a good thing Steve didn't see that I liked him protecting me or he probably would have been confused by the sudden personality change.

**(The battle continues)**

I wonder if I get to the device if maybe I will be able to shut it down? It's worth a try.

"Steve!"

"Yeah Romanoff"

"I've got a plan, I need you to give me a boost up to one of those sky cycles"

"Okay what's the plan?"

"I'm gonna attempt to shut down the tesseract device"

"You sure about this?" He asked in a concerned tone.

"Yeah it'll be fun" I reply in jest.

"Okay but be careful!" Steve tells me. It almost sounds like a plea but I must just be hearing things.

I brush that thought off because a cycle is heading our way.

"Steve here comes the cycle...ready one, two, three" I jump from his shield too the cycle and I'm able to grab ahold of it and take down the alien.

Hopefully Steve doesn't process that I was able to do that since a normal human being would have came out of that stunt severely injured.

Now that I have the cycle I direct it to the tesseract. I arrive ready to fight anyone who stands in my way but the strange doctor who was under Loki's mind control is just there. He starts to walk toward me.

"Stop right where you are or I will drop your ass before you even register what is happening" I threaten.

"Miss do not worry I am myself and I know how to stop this" he tells me

"Go on"

"See there Loki's scepter. It is the key to shutting down the tesseract" he explains

"You better not be lying" I say and I pick up the scepter "or you will have some very a very superheroes out for your head"

"I assure you I am in no way deceiving you" he tell me.

"Okay I believe you" I state as I insert the scepter into the device.

It takes a second but the generator shuts down and the wormhole begins to close. As this is happening I see Tony Stark bringing a missile into the worm hole. Shit shit shit! He is going to be stuck, I hate him but not that much.

The wormhole is closing slowly, maybe he will make it out. I watch keenly and the next thing I see is an explosion and a red and gold suit falling out of the sky and the wormhole closing completely a few seconds after.

The aliens all fall over dead at once.

Oh God, we did it we saved earth! Who would have thought this group of people could do it. Well I knew I could do it, but I didn't think the rest could. I have to give it to Fury and Hill they made a good decision.

But I still dislike Tony Stark a great deal he is an asshat.

**(After Shawarma) hehe :)**

At the debriefing with Nick we were all commended on a job well done. Which is unusual for Nick but it's not everyday you save the world from a hostile take over by a man from and other realm and an invasion by his alien minions.

We all head back our separate ways.

Me back to my SHIELD issued apartment until my next assignment.

Clint is heading somewhere to find a girl he let go, I think her name was Bobbi. Apparently he learned life is way too short.

Bruce and Tony are apparently working together a Stark Tower.

Thor is headed back to Asgard to sentence his brother for his crimes. I have to say I will miss the big guy he was pretty funny.

And lastly Steve is probably headed back to his 40s themed home to be lonely once more. Not that I care why would I care at all. I don't know why I am even thinking about him. I am supposed to be relaxing!

I get back to nursing my beer and hope that a mission comes up soon. I am afraid to be out of work too long. I do not need my emotions getting the best of me.

I am a machine, not a woman. I am here to get the job done and nothing else. My only goal is to complete the mission to the fullest extent, because I am Natalia Alianovna Romanova, the one and only Black Widow.

I tell myself this trying to keep the thought of a normal life and true happiness at bay.

**I****(a/n) Okay guys I hope you enjoyed this! Please read and review I love to open my emails and see what you all are thinking. I just wanted to thank my last guest review! It really motivated me to sit down, edit this, and publish. I just wanted to let you guys know this took me forever to write I wanted to give the movie as much justice as possible even though I haven't seen it in months and cannot remember the chronological events. Not I digress I actually had something to say. I have some interesting chapters ahead. I just wanted to tell you it will be quite a few chapters before when enter the events of Captain America TWS.**

**Also I wanted your opinions. I will be explaining the Arrow necklace that Nat is wearing in TWS. I want to hear what you guys want that explanation to be. Leave them in your reviews or PM me! **


	4. Chapter 3: Trust Is Not Real

(a/n) Okay guys here is the next installment. I really liked writing the first part of this. I think you will know what I mean when you read it! I am really excited to be moving on to my own thoughts and ideas instead of following the movie. I am working on writing quite a few chapter in advance now in case I get super busy with my summer college courses. So without further ado here is chapter 3!

Roughly Six Months after the Battle of New York

This is total bullshit. I think to myself as I make my way to Fury's office. I just returned from a two week long mission with a fucking incompetent jackass for a partner. Who the hell names their kid Gaylor Finch anyway, it sickens me that I had to work with him. I attempted to not laugh everytime I said his name but it was difficult not to. He was also such a trying person, always wanting to talk about his personal life and asking me questions. Hasn't anyone told me that he is to not ask the Black Widow questions!? That is like common sense 101 at SHIELD.

I wonder what this meeting is about anyway, the mission was completed faster than originally estimated and we gained more intel than was first thought. Maybe Fury just has another mission for me I would like that.

I arrive at Fury's office door and knock.

"Come in Agent Romanoff" he calls.

"Good evening Director Fury" I say as I walk in.

"Natasha please have a seat" He says to me with a rather annoyed and commanding tone.

"Yes, Sir" I say as is sit. Oh shit what did I do he doesn't sound happy. Snap out of it Natasha he is not your father you should not be afraid of him. you could probably kill him faster than he could take his next breath, not that you ever would.

"Agent Romanoff, it has come to my attention that your newest partner Agent Gaylord Finch, has requested a partner transfer" He tells me.

I reply with a snarky "Oh that is unfortunate"

"Agent Romanoff this is not a joke if you cannot learn to work with a partner, your employment here at SHIELD will be terminated, I do not care if you are a member of the Avengers or that you are one of two super soldiers that exist on this planet! Do you understand me? I am fucking tired of you jerking around your partners and treating them like shit. Eight motherfucking partners since the battle of New York! I have known agents who haven't gone through half as many partners as you have in thirty year careers. So this is your last partner I am assigning you and if you cannot work with him your fucking gone. Understand?" He practically screams at me. So I just nod my head not wanting to poke the bear. "Now Romanoff, do you have any input on your actions?" He asks.

I decided to tread carefully and state "Sir, maybe I have yet to find my right fit for a partner. I hope this one is the right one"

"You better hope Romanoff or like I said you are gone" He repeats.

"I understand one hundred percent sir" I say hoping that will cool him down.

"Good. Please be at my office first thing tomorrow morning to meet your new partner. He is very experienced but a new SHIELD recruit. I think you two will work well together" He says.

"I hope you are right sir, have a good evening" I reply.

"You as well Romanoff. You are dismissed" He states and I walk out.

I head to the SHIELD parking garage and get into my car. It is an inconspicuous blacked out Acura TSX. It fits well as a entry level luxury vehicle here in DC. It makes me look like a commuting aspiring politician or young lawyer instead of a super spy. I wonder what a good super spy car would be, maybe a McLaren or Ferrari. Those would be nice but a little too showy and expensive for my taste. A Corvette though would be a nice car to drive if I wanted to be less inconspicuous but still a little showy because that would turn heads for sure. Oh who are we kidding I would turn heads in a Honda Accord.

I get home and decide to order out. Chinese and Japanese sounds good tonight! I am thinking Tokyo Tasty, man I love that place and they deliver. They also have the best Spicy Tuna rolls I have ever tasted.

"Hello, I would like to place an order for delivery please" I state on the phone.

"I'd like an order of Spicy Tuna Rolls, Pad Thai, and an Angry Lobster Roll. Thank you very much." I say.

Now to wait for my tasty dinner to come. I have to prepare for meeting my new partner tomorrow. I am wondering if this new partner is a man or woman. I remember Fury saying man but he may have been trying to throw me off but he also said this person just started their career with SHIELD. I am guessing pretty young but it was said this person had loads of experience. Probably former Military, probably special forces, maybe a S.E.A.L..

I walk to the fridge and pull out a Yarpivo (Russian Beer in case you were wondering).

I am just about to sit back down on the couch when my cell rings. I look at the caller i.d. and it is Fury. What else did I do.

"Agent Romanoff" I answer

"Good Evening Agent Romanoff, I trust you are having a good night" Fury states on the other end of the line.

"Yes, I am actually about to eat dinner Sir" I reply

"I apologize for the interruption but this will only take but a moment. I have decided to change what I told you early. If you cannot keep this partner instead of being fired you will be put on desk duty at records until I say otherwise" He tells me.

"Yes, Director Fury, I understand" I reply calmly.

"Well enjoy your dinner Romanoff and see you bright and early tomorrow"

"Have a good night Sir" I say and hang up the phone.

"Fuck" I yell and throw my beer into the wall behind my couch.

I ignore the mess of glass and beer and just sit on the floor and wait for my dinner. My mind blank as can be, I have to get this right I cannot fathom the thought of being on desk duty especially in records.

My food finally arrives, I am unsure how long I was sitting on the floor. I pay the delivery girl and take my food into the kitchen. I have completely lost my appetite thanks to Fury. I throw my food in the fridge and head to bed. I am going to need a good night's sleep if I am to be pleasant and on my best behavior tomorrow when I meet my new partner. Oh joy what fun I can't friggin wait.

The Next Morning

I make my way into SHIELD and head straight to Fury's office for my second meeting in less than twenty four hours. I arrive and knock on the door and walk in. I do not see Fury but there is a large blonde man in casual civilian dress sitting in a chair facing the D.C. sunrise. He is wearing khakis and a blue plaid collared shirt. His hair is clean, well maintained and in a military type cut. This must be my new partner, I knew he was former military.

"Good Morning, my name is Agent Romanoff, you must be my new partner. I am sure it will be a pleasure" I greet, grinning and bearing the pleasant tone I am using.

He stands up and starts to turn around as he says "Agent Romanoff, I am hurt that you didn't recognize me"

I stand shocked as I look upon the face of the one and only Captain America.

"Steve what are you doing here?" I ask even though I am sure I know the answer.

"Well as you just stated I am your new partner, Natasha, it took Fury quite a while to recruit me"

"How did he convince you?" I ask curiously.

"Truthfully?" He asks, I give him a curt nod. "Fury contacted me and told me what was going on with you and all of your partners in the past few months. He said since we worked so well together during the Battle of New York he wanted to see if we could do the same as SHIELD partners. I told him yes, I was getting tired of doing nothing all day in New York" He explained.

"So you just picked up your life and moved on down here" I question

"It isn't much of a surprise Natasha, I do not have a life" He says rather quietly like he is afraid I will make fun of him.

"Well Steve, I have to say thank you then for doing this for me"

"I can't say that you are welcome yet, you may scare me away as well" He says to me.

"Well I will try my best not to" I tell him.

I move next to Steve and we watch D.C. wake up below from the Triskelion. I cannot help but think to myself how sweet it is that Steve joined SHIELD to make sure that I got a proper partner. He must actually care. I find that so endearing. But I shouldn't feel that way I am the Black Widow I do not have endearing feels.

As I am giving myself a Black Widow pep talk in my head, Fury walks in.

"Agent Romanoff, I see you have discovered your new partner" He says to me.

"Yes sir, I have. I will not blow this and I mean that" I say

"Sir I can assure you that Agent Romanoff and I will make a great team" Steve chimes in.

Why must he always be the knight in shining armor. Stepping in to aide me.

"I believe you are correct Agent Rogers." Fury addresses Steve.

"Sir when will we go on our first mission" I ask

" I would like you two to become integrated and insync as partners and then I will give you an assignment" Fury explains.

"Good enough Sir, we will get on that right away" Steve interjects before I can say another word.

"Then you two are dismissed to start your work" he tells us.

Steve and I begin to walk out. I pick up my pace as to not have to walk in step with him. For some reason he makes me so nervous and I do not need him bringing that attribute out in me. It is infuriating that he can strip away the Black Widow just by being in my presence. I have to shake this, I am just like this because I am vulnerable right now because I feel that I deserve a somewhat normal life. But I will never have it. How can I? I do not age, wouldn't a husband find that strange.

That is probably why I am being drawn towards Steve because he too cannot age. But he doesn't know and I would like to keep it that way as long as possible. One day he will realize I am not aging and have questions and when that time comes I will explain it to him, but now I do not trust him enough to tell him without good cause.

I didn't realize how lost in thought I was until I realized I had followed Steve into the men's locker room.

He then realizes I am there and looks up at me with that perfect face and smile and says "Natasha why are you in the men's locker room?"

I quickly reply "I wanted to know if you wanted to spar today so we can learn to sync in battle when need be"

He looks back at me and says "I would absolutely love that, partner"

With that I head back out to the women's locker room and change.

He is just so charming. I could really get used to having him around. I wonder if he is really being genuine with me or if he is just tolerating me since there is no way he isn't aware of all of the red stained in my ledger. He could be playing me easily so in that case he cannot be trusted, at least until he has proven himself and even then I probably will not trust him.

I am Natalia Alianovna Romanova and I trust no one.

Please please read and review. I need to know what you all think!

(A/n) okay so that was a shorter one. I wanted to get one out there as just a filler of how they became partners and then I am diving in to push us to Winter Soldier. Just fair warning Romanogers will not be a "couple" until the Winter Soldier arc is over so this is kind of a slow burn!


	5. Chapter 4: Broken

**(a/n) Howdy readers! It has been quite a while. I have been quite busy with three accelerated college courses and writer's block because I was unsure how I wanted to proceed into the Winter Soldier arch of this story. Well I finally have it and here is the start! As usual join me and Natasha on the ride of her life discovering where she belongs. Also please Read and Review it means the world to me!**

**Natasha's POV**

It has been four weeks since Fury assigned Steve as my newest partner. I have to admit that it has been going surprisingly well thus far. I cannot lie when I say I have largely surprised. I really thought Steve would not be able to deal with me, but he has perfectly. Apparently Fury has seen this as well because we have been summoned for a briefing on our first mission. I am headed there now and I must say I am rather curious as to how this mission will go. I really feel that Steve and I are a perfect partner match. I hate to admit it but he is a great buffer for my radical decision making even in training.

I walk through Fury's office doors and of course Steve is already there. I am starting to like him because we work so well together (and he is so handsome and caring not that I would ever admit that.) but it is relatively annoying that he always has to be early to everything.

"Good Morning Ma'am, it seems as though we are only awaiting on Director Fury as you are now here." Steve greets me with.

Really does he have to call me Ma'am! What am I a 90 year old woman (if he only knew).

"Good Morning Steve and I have told you time and time again please refer to me as Natasha and not Ma'am." I request.

"Understood, Agent Romanoff" He plays back in a joking manner.

"Was that a joke coming from the ever so serious Captain America" I play back at him and smile.

Before he can answer, Fury enters the room and addresses us.

"Agents as you may know I feel as though you are well acquainted with one another and will work well as a team. This is why I am assigning you your first mission. It will be a relatively task of shutting down a sex trafficking ring that is running out of Mexico and feeding girls to Europe and the surrounding areas. I need you two to infiltrate this ring and bring it down. There is a possibility it is being run by the Russian mob"

Why are being thrown into this mission. This sounds more like a task for the CIA. Not SHIELD, I think to myself. Well here goes

"Director if I may pose a question to you. Why are we infiltrating the ranks and not the CIA this does not seem like a SHIELD typical job?"

"Natasha, I do not appreciate you questioning me and if you were not such a valuable asset I would be pursuing a suspension for insubtinance at this moment not explaining things to you. Now I cannot answer why were are taking the lead and not the CIA but I can make you aware of the mission details. Natasha you will be going in undercover as one of the woman being trafficked" Steve cuts Fury off.

"Sir, with all due respect I cannot allow you to just make her do that it is unfair to her" He says rather upset. I stop him before he can go any further.

"Agent Rogers, it is okay I have done missions like these before I am not worried one bit about the undercover as trafficked woman part but the part where I am a known RUSSIAN and you believe that RUSSIANS are running this op!" I reply to Steve and then yell at Fury.

"Agent Romanoff you need to stand down and let me finish my explanation" Fury replies with anger.

"You Romanoff will be disguised as usual and you will be placed to pull intel and Steve will then extract you. Once you have placed yourself firmly within the trafficking line and the put you up, Steve will be there to bid on you and extract you safely."

"One question sir. You cannot miss Agent Romanoff if you tried and I am a national figure. How can you expect either of us to not go unnoticed?" Steve asks. I reply before Fury has the ability to.

"He wants at least me to be found out. They aren't sending us on this op to catch traffickers this is something much bigger. Something you _need _the Black Widow to be seen for it to work isn't it Fury" I sneer at him. I am not mad that he is sending me in on an op like this but that he chose to attempt to keep us in the dark. No wonder I have fucking trust issues. It's hard not to when you live in a world of lying sacks of shit.

"Natasha you know I am unable to reveal any pertinent detail that may fracture the mission on our end in some way" Fury replies

"Director Fury I am sorry but that is a load of bull and you know it. You are hiding something from Agent Romanoff and I. I am planning on learning what that is before I put her life or mine in jeopardy for a mission that you weren't even courteous enough to fully brief us on before we risk our lives completing it" Steve says in what sounds like a rather peeved tone.

I am flattered that he is that concerned about my safety….Widow you should be insulted he sees you inferior to him…..No he doesn't he just stated that his and my safety were on the line. Still he is a pathetic man who isn't worth your time or trust and he will betray you like everyone else. Why why why do I have these crazy conversations in my head. I just need to get over Rogers and put this all behind me. I am sure he will make a great partner and right now I just really need to calm him down.

"Rogers you need to calm down. I understand where you are coming from but there are just some missions that we have to deal with even if we don't like the intel going in. You know what I mean?" I question and he nods yes. "Okay then lets get our mission supplies together and get ready to head out, we have this under control."

He doesn't seemed pleased that Fury was less than forthcoming with us and I understand where he is coming from. Nick is like a father to me but I know next to nothing about him. Just enough to know that he cares enough to protect me when real danger ensues which is why I know we will be fine on this mission, he would have warned me with his worries. That is why I have my full trust in him.

I look at Nick and state "Director we are good to go as soon as we grab our gear. Please have a transport ready so we can leave ASAP"

Fury only nods and I walk out without another word.

About an hour or so later Steve and I are on a flight headed for Texas. The assumed start of the trafficking. The plan is for me to get integrated in the area and the hopefully wrangled into the ring. Steve will then find his way to Europe when I give him the go signal that I am going to be bid on so he can safely extract me.

It should be an easy mission but I hate to admit that I am nervous about this first mission with Steve. I haven't had enough trust built up with him so I don't know if he will get the job done right. He is Captain America so he can't do that bad right?

**Steve's POV**

I joined SHIELD to partner with Agent Romanoff because I felt we worked well together during the battle of New York. I told her I came to help her out but that wasn't the truth. I do not find myself lying often but to let the truth slide to Natasha would have been horrible. I came because I feel attached to her after the battle and she makes me feel comfortable. Which should sound strange but she is so easy going when in battle that I find her a good fit for me. So when the chance arose to become her partner I couldn't let that slide and grabbed it right away.

I look at her now and she is clearly deep in thought and can't help but notice of classically beautiful she is. I know her partial reputation I have heard stories of the Black Widow and this woman in front of me seems nothing like that personality they described. I wonder what made her the Black Widow? Maybe one day she will trust me enough to open up to me. I would like that I don't have many friends nj this time. I could use a female companion to help me learn the ways of this time.

She must have caught me staring because she is eyeing me with a very annoyed look on her face.

**Natasha POV **

Why is he staring at me like that? Did I actually say the things I was thinking out loud? No there is no way. Just to be safe I better get away from him until the plane lands.

"Steve I am going to head to the back of the plane and take a nap until we land, okay?" I tell him

"Okay Ma'am. I will wake you when we land if you are not up" He replies.

Always such the gentleman he is. It is quite endearing if you are into that stuff. I am going to let the Ma'am comment slide even though I hate that he cannot use my name.

"Thank you, Captain" and with that I head to lay down.

**A few hours later on the ground in Dallas, Texas. **

**Natasha's POV**

We are already set up at the hotel Steve will be using as his base of operations until I am able to infiltrate the trafficking ring and get shipped off to Europe.

"Okay so according to the intel already gathered, the women that they take to Europe are usually kept at a house in the middle of no where on a ranch where they are screen and tested for unknown reasons and then they are transported by big rig to freighters. From that point there are a few ports they could be unloading them in Europe. But it is possible that the women are being taking into a coastal port city of Africa and then shipped throughout Europe from there. Steve you will not be able to track me until I am sure the quarantine period is over. I cannot risk them finding the tracker on me before then. Once we are on the freight I will activate my tracker and you will be able to follow where I am going. Communications between us will be down, so we must make the best of our crap situations and hope the other is in place at the right time okay?" I explain to Steve while eating my breakfast sandwich.

"Ma'am I understand every detail of this mission. But that does not make me comfortable that you are going in with no way to access me if you need my help" He replies in a concerned tone.

"Steve please take of offense to this but I have done harder missions without a partner or extraction team. I will be more than fine. Just be at the extraction point so we can get the hell out with the intel. Understand?" I say.

"Understood Ma'am".

**Sometime later. Natasha has made it to the freighter unscaved **

I somehow made it the freighter without any problem. Time to use myself as a sex symbol once again for SHIELD. No wonder I have problems with commitment when the ultimate sign of commitment in most relationships is my daily life as a SHIELD agent. Red Room made me this way and SHIELD took advantage of that. I am actually getting tired of having seduce someone every time I go out on a damn mission. That isn't the only thing that I am good at, I wonder if SHIELD realizes that. Maybe now that I am teamed up with Captain Virtue, I will get a break from my normal routine.

These women on the ship are intolerable. They actually thought they had won a vacation with some famous Italian Millionaire. How fucking gullible are women these days. But at the same time I feel bad. They don't know how bad it is going to be, most will probably be sold for sex and drugged up and probably die of an overdose. I need to get in and out with my Intel so the SHIELD STRIKE team can drop in round up the perps and girls and shut this shit hole down ASAP.

Now that we are somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic I better turn my tracker on. Don't want Fury and the good Captain to worry too much about me.

I pop my fake molar off and press a small button inside of it. The tracker is up and running. Then I insert the cap back into my mouth. Now that my objective is complete until we hit dock, I am going to grab some shut eye so I can be on the top of my game.

**Washington D.C.**

**Steve's POV.**

I am so worried about Natasha, she hasn't turned her tracker on and it has been two days since I lost sight of her after she gained entrance to the "ranch". I sure hope she is okay, Fury says she is fine, that she is one of the most cunning people he knows and that she could outsmart any capture even while she was sleeping. I sure as hell hope he is correct because I do not want to lose my new partner at all especially this quickly.

I know that I am pacing a hole in the floor and to tell you the truth I damn well do not care. I am worried and I have good reason to be.

_Ping._

That must be my phone. I take a look, Natasha's GPS locater is active and I can trace her every movement now. I am sure Fury is already alerted. I know it will take a few days for her ship to reach whichever port they are going to enter but I phone Fury to have a quinjet fueled and waiting so I can be there right away for her.

The auction for the girls is supposed to take place in Berlin, Germany. So at least I know where I am headed.

*****************  
2 Days Later on a Quinjet headed to Berlin**

Thank God, Natasha was able to make contact with us. She got the intel she was instructed and more that SHIELD was not aware the traffickers had. She would be waiting for the extraction in Germany. I was issued more than enough cash to bid on her soundly and we would be in and out of Berlin before the night was over if all went according to plan.

**At the Auction a few hours later**

**Natasha's POV**

Okay I am up next to bid. Steve's ass better be ready to bid on me I really do not feel like having to take out some perv tonight to get away.

"Up next we have a gorgeous American Red head with stunning green eyes and an even hotter body, introducing Katie, the bidding will start at 10k" the auctioneer calls as I begin walking out on stage. I am wearing nothing but a revealing lace black bra and panty set that leaves nothing to the viewers imagination.

The bidding begins and I look at Steve the entire time. He is battling the bid war with a rather greasy looking man in his mid to late fifties who is balding and fat. The bid is already well over 500k and climbing. I do not think that SHIELD allotted Steve much more to spend. In fact they probably gave him no more than one million.

They continue to battle and I cringe as Steve bids up to one million and the man counters with One million ten dollars. Steve looks at me and I know from his face I am going to that scumball. Great another person I have to take down tonight. Hopefully Steve will be there as back up they have some type of drug in my system and it is keeping me off my game. I was lucky to get the intel.

Security then gets me and walks me off stage to the room I will be meeting sleaze ball in.

I sit awaiting my new "suitor" to arrive. When he does he is aggressive right away. He presses me up against the wall and is having his way with my face. I let this go on for a moment hoping Steve will come for me. Nothing yet.

Still nothing.

Still nothing.

Well shit I guess I will have to do this on my own then. I then lift me hand and grab the bastard by the neck and quickly hit his pressure point to make for a quiet escape. I run and open the door and of course there are guards outside. I take the first by surprise and I am able to knock him out and grab a gun before the second realizes what happened.

I shoot the second one date in a matter of moments and I am on my way down the corridor as fast as possible. I make it out into the streets and see Steve out there. What the hell why didn't he have my back. Then I notice the woman hanging on him. He does seem visibly uncomfortable with her but it still does not excuse the fact that he didn't have my back. I walk right over to him angrily.

"Where the fuck were you Captain, your supposed to have my back!" I scream and then glare at the woman until she runs off.

"I am so sorry Ma'am that woman she recognized me and started talking to me and I could not get away to help you. You don't even know how sorr.." I cut him off

"Fucking save it Steve, lets go now. I am tired and want to get back to D.C. and debrief before tomorrow breaks" I say venomously.

He just nods and shows me the way to the car.

The entire flight home is quiet and I am left to my thoughts.

At Least he is bright enough to know when not to talk to a seriously pissed off assassin.

I cannot believe he already fucked me over on our first mission. He had one job to get me out quickly and he couldn't even do that. And Fury wonders why I hate having partners. I am going to have to deal with the Captain until Fury realizes I am better off working alone. But one thing is for sure Steve Rogers has lost my trust after that stunt and he is going to have to work hard to get it back.

**Steve's POV**

I cannot believe that Natasha didn't trust me back there. I was trying to not compromise us when that woman recognized me. It could have made the entire situation a whole heck of a lot worse. She clearly holds not trust in me and when I think about it I do not think I can really trust her either. If she jumps right to conclusions like that I feel that I cannot trust her. I can tell she is not being completely open with me and a good partnership is about trust and honesty and if she cannot give me that, then I am afraid I cannot trust her either. To say the least she is definitely hiding somethings from me and until she comes clean or proves herself I am treading lightly around her and watching my back.


End file.
